I am totally serious. Long, long ago a Chinese fortune cookie had an actual fortune, one in which you could fear or rejoice. Fortunes like: A loved one will cheat on you. or A business proposition bodes well. or Travel to a foreign land may be forthcoming. It didn't matter if it made sense, it mattered that it COULD happen. It was a portent.
Now all we get are smarmy platitudes and stupid well-wishing sayings like You have many friends or The sun shines on your home or Wise people cultivate wisdom. What is with all that? Those aren't fortunes, they don't make you think about the future. If I am going to the expense of getting Chinese take-out (which happens about twice a year) I want a note in a cookie that tells me I might win the lottery (You will soon come into a substantial amount of money) or that lets me know something good (or bad) is on the way (An anticipated windfall might not be what you expect.) I do not want a Confucius saying about my health telling me to watch my blood pressure and eat more kale. (The kale part has not yet been written but it's just around the corner, I am sure of it.)
Give me a friggin fortune cookie with a real fortune, a fortune that makes you think, even something ominous, something veiled, something like the one Gabe got years ago: Before you plan the wedding day, be sure to read his resume. We had that on our fridge for years. That's a fortune to ponder.
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