Dealing with bureaucracy (IRS and SS) and Thelma and Louise

When they tell you to file for Social Security benefits three months in advance, you say to yourself "yeah, right."  Then you file two months in advance, thinking even that's silly.  And then, you realize, three months might not be enough!

I tried to file and suspend and then collect on one of my ex-husband's social security accounts because even getting half of his is more than all of mine.  To do this, I need a court certified copy of the marriage certificate and the divorce agreement.  Not a copy, but one from the court with the court seal.  OK, one goes online and figures this out.  It takes up to 28 days to get a response, which is outrageous but hey, it's the system.  And then, today, I get a call from San Mateo County about the request I had for the divorce agreement.  Online, which is the only way you can request this unless you go in person, it tells you what you need, what to send, etc.  I followed all the rules.  The woman on the phone today tells me that they mailed the divorce agreement to me but it came back because there wasn't enough postage so now I need to drive to Redwood City and pick it up!  That's a 4 hour round trip drive, at best.  Six hours if traffic is bad.  I explained this to her, and asked why the website doesn't tell you the postage is going to be more than $0.84, two stamps which is what I put on the requested SASE.  She didn't have an answer.  I told her I worked a lot and lived two hours from Redwood City, could she just tell me her name, I would mail her some stamps or mail her $5.00.  She said no.  Then I played the sad, pitiful card:  I work 7 days a week (a tiny lie) and can't afford to take that day off to drive to R.C. and I am trying to get Social Security benefits and please, please, anything she could do would help.  A long pause and then she says, "OK, I will stamp it and mail it.  We aren't supposed to do this but I will."  She refused to tell me who she was (for fear of getting in trouble, I am sure) but I thanked her profusely.

I am still waiting to see if the marriage certificate shows up. Different county, different rules.

Then, three weeks ago, 5 weeks after I mailed in my taxes, I get a letter from the IRS telling me I neglected to send in a form about my Covered California insurance benefits.  They included an envelope with a mailing label.  Again, I followed their directions, included everything, mailed it to them three weeks ago and on this past Friday it came back in the mail with a stamp on the envelope that said "Undeliverable to this address."  This is absurd, I mailed it with the label they enclosed for this purpose!  What???  So I called and I actually got a real person who said to fax it to them.  What the fuck!

So today I went to a fax place and faxed it.  At the same time I got new passport photos taken (time to get a new passport) and thus I am getting ready to leave the country. After I get my social security benefits of course.

Twenty five years ago I loved "Thelma and Louise."  In some ways it seems like I have known them my entire grown-up life and in other ways it seems like ten years ago that they introduced themselves to me.  I just watched the last minute of the movie, and again it brought me to tears.  It's time to watch it again, possibly for the tenth time, possibly while drinking tiny bottles of Wild Turkey.  Too bad I don't have a convertible.  

Thanks for listening.