Past, Present, Future and Dying

It's age, I suppose, the enigma that forces you to take stock of the past, to dwell on the present and try and outwit the future. Whatever it is, it is powerful. And disturbing and hopeful and depressing and so much more, all at once. There is nothing new about this thought process, nothing new at all, but still, it creeps up on you and pounces, scraping at your heart and soul like a tiger hungry for fame.

A colleague of mine, an amazing young woman, mid 20's, was very seriously injured in a car crash on Monday morning on her way to work. While I hate to admit it, we don't always look at life too closely until some tragedy occurs and then we think "What if?" and "What now?" and so many more "whats and hows and whys."  We should be looking at life a lot more closely ALL THE TIME.  Fucking shit happens and we are NEVER prepared for it, but of course, no one can be prepared for all the fucking shit that happens, especially the accidental variety, but still. We should be thinking about life and love and loss and everything else a lot more often than we actually do.

Even if there were no car accidents, no surprising deaths, no trips to the vet, to the ER, to the police station, to a lawyer's office, to the confessional, even if one's life seemed benign and happy, there is no logical reason to believe those accidents, deaths, vet bills, cop statements, excuses to the priest aren't going to happen and take their toll. They are going to happen. Get ready. Complacency is a menace. 

My Mom would have been 99 years old this year, last month to be exact.  My daughter is 46 years old, my son is 42. I am 69 years old. These are numbers that are not insignificant.  That hooded guy in the black robe with the scythe is waiting in the wings for all of us. While I no longer need to worry about my Mom, thank goodness, I continue to worry about my kids. And my siblings and my friends, my dog, everyone's dogs, everyone's safety and health. 

I say all of this not to be a doomsayer. Not to be the portent of gloom or doom. I say all of this out loud because life is so precarious and precious**, so whimsical and so dangerous that we all need to be aware of that whimsy and danger and love each minute of grace and safety that we occasionally enjoy while, at the same time, be aware of its fleeting existence. In other words, let's all be more grateful and more present and let's all reach out with kindness more often than we do now and let's all acknowledge, even to oneself, that everything we have and love can be shut down in one instant. And therefore appreciate everything we have and love even more.

I love you all. Be careful out there.

xo

** how interesting that those two words, precarious and precious are exactly the same except for that "ar" in the middle. Hmmm.....

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