Trying to find a good spot in a dark mind

On a previous episode: for so many reasons, too many to mention but too few to consider right now, my mind has been in the darkness recently.  You know when you get to that spot where all you can think about is the futility of everything?  When you think, every day, every hour, that nothing is working?  Out of hope, out of longing, full of dread, full of angst and mired in the tar pit that feels like life right now?

OK, dramatic, yes, sorry.  But it's actually sort of like that. There seems to be little point to anything. Even my dog has ceased to make me laugh much, and that is a very sad thing.

I am taking a few days off from work, starting Tuesday. I am renting a car and driving south, a drive I have not done in years. Perhaps staying near the ocean for a few nights will mitigate the shadow that seems to be following me. We'll see. I intend to take this ancient laptop with me and will, maybe, report in, continue the one-way conversation while I do nothing but put some distance between me and work and everyday life.  I don't know that it will help. But something has to help and soon. 

ok, over and out for a few days.

"Bad Blood:Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup"

"Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup"  by John Carreyrou.  Good investigative journalism again, which is a genre that I like. Given a lead, Carreyrou delves deep into the culture of Silicon Valley in the early 2010's, following Elizabeth Holmes and her company Theranos, which quickly secured enough investors to push it to the billion dollar category of a start-up. A unicorn, as was the word of that day. Then Carreyrou follows the company on its downward spiral, documenting the misleading claims that Theranos and Holmes made to every investor, bringing to light the false data, the lies and the secrets behind the almost militaristic culture of their workplace. It's a fascinating read.  Could have used a bit of editing, there are times when it's easy to breeze through paragraphs of names and dates, but his research is solid and we are left with a portrait of a troubled, lying woman with little feelings for her employees or those who joined the company because of the promise of good medical advances for regular people.  Holmes might have had a good idea, a good medical procedure that could have helped millions, but her lack of credibility and her ruthlessness made her promises empty.

Assaulted from all sides: politics, rhetoric, pundits. Please stop.

It is impossible to listen to the news and impossible to discuss anything political or newsworthy.  I know many who are so in tune with MSNBC, NPR, other news stations and know everything that is happening with the election, with the Trumpness, with the climate, with conspiracy. I cannot tolerate it. I have lost faith in our political process and am 100% intolerant of the electoral process and of everyone running for a slot in the next election. As a Democrat, there is absolutely no chance of anyone defeating Trump.

About this, I am so despondent, so incensed, so angry and so impotent. Yes, one can go to Arizona or Idaho or Nebraska and try to register people to vote, take them to the polls and hope they vote Democratic, but really?  Is that going to swing an election when the Democrats have already blown any chance of winning in November? Had the top-running Democrats sat down at a table four months ago and hashed out what was needed to win in November and put personal political agenda aside, a viable candidate could have been chosen. All others could have committed to support that candidate, stopped all stupid and useless "debates" and simply gone out and started campaigning for the one person who might have had a chance. But that didn't happen and now all we have is a splintered field of weak candidates, not one who can defeat the nazi  incumbent in power. 

It is the above that has had my usually even-tempered mindset in a tailspin.  With my formative years in the 1960's, I am no stranger to political dialogue and diatribe. Bring on a good debate, a good political back-and-forth, that's what Democracy is about. But we don't have that now, we have a Congress of "yes" men, and they will say "yes" to whatever POTUS wants, whatever he says. It is as if to do otherwise means disgrace. Or worse. What dossiers does he have every member of Congress that would make them all willing to agree to his evil tactics?

Therefore, given my current negative state of mind, there has been no writing, no blogness, nothing.  I hope something happens to change my negative state of mind. 

Thank you. Good night and good luck.

San Valentino Day! Hearts Abound! Perfect Movie!

For so many years Tom and I were in Europe on San Valentino Day, surprised at first to realize that it was a big deal in Italy, France, Netherlands..... but then why not!  Valentine was born in Italy so was much more of a European hero than in the US but in a less commercial manner.  Well, maybe not.

Except for those February 14s spent in Europe, I have been nicely alone for this celebration of love, passion, Hallmark cards, a nice bottle of wine and a movie on TV.  It suits me well.

"Moonstruck" is the perfect Valentine Day movie for everyone.... whether you are just falling in love (good luck with that) or have just broken up (better luck with that) or are totally alone (choice, not luck) this movie is perfect.  Cher is lovely, and you have the really young Nicolas Cage at his best, his sculpted cheekbones and his awesome shoulders. You get Olympia Dukakis, a young Danny Aiello and great music, plus love and sex and great dialogue.

"Why you wanna play it safe? Playing it safe is just about the most dangerous thing a woman like you can do!" 

"We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and to love the wrong people and to die. The storybooks about love are bullshit. Now, will you come upstairs with me and get into my bed?"

And so much more..... it's a pleasure to watch this again after more than 30 years, and it holds up well. Two thumbs up, again. Check it out.