Why I am not writing these days.

 There is no real reason, of course. I could make myself sit and start banging on the keyboard and produce something insignificant or self-deprecating or self-aggrandizing or possibly even something worth reading.  But right now, it simply is not happening.

What do real writers do when they hit this sort of a block?  One supposes they start banging on the keyboard with the hope of producing..... something. Anything. I don't have the backbone for that. Too lazy. So weeks go by and I have written nothing.

But part of this ennui and lassitude is perhaps born of my lack of discipline on a daily basis: I have no job, no schedule other than walking the dog, no structure.  For a year this was fine. From March 2020 to about January of this year, I was happy to be out of work, lazing about, behaving obediently within the safe Covid guidelines. Then things started to open up, opportunities for getting out and about began to appear. We could socialize a bit, safely. We could go out to dinner in an restaurant if we followed the rules. We could actually hug someone (gasp!) if we had both been vaccinated.

All those things are great, of course. But my days of doing nothing now seemed like pure laziness and slothfulness. My lack of a schedule, my lack of anything solid that would guide me to the next step now felt like a emblem of failure.  I felt like I had wasted an entire year on nothing. And had nothing to say about it.

This situation may change soon. I am going back to work this week, a part-time gig in hospitality, which I swore I would never do again. But it seems that unless I am doing something, I won't do anything. Maybe this little job will light the small fire that is necessary to get me out of my funk and will lead me to feeling at least productive again. And hopefully that will lead to picking up the proverbial pen and begin writing again.

So, to the two or three loyal readers of this small blog, I thank you for checking in now and then and quietly mentioning that I have been absent from the page for too long. Please stay tuned. Something might be appearing soon.  

In the meantime, you can listen to this.  Copy and paste if it doesn't link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaL_PhlYAJ8