Oh, just go home. (But I don't say that.)

Sunday morning, 10:45 am.

Guest walks into the lobby, up to the front desk.

Me: Good  morning.
Him: I am here to check in.
Me: Your name.  .....  Yes, I see you are coming in today but check in isn't until much later. You're a little early.
Him:  I need to get into my room now.
Me:  Sir, check out isn't until 11:30, the guests from last night are still in the room.
Him:  Well, then put me in another room, I need to get into the room now.
Me: Sir, that isn't going to be possible.
Him: WHAT? I am here, I want my room now.
Me: Well, it is occupied right now.  And I don't have any rooms you can go into.
Him:  This is ridiculous, I need to use the room.
Me:  I am sorry, but that's not possible right now.
Him: Where can I get something to eat?
Me: Here are the closest places, right in the village......
Him:  OK, I will be back in 20 minutes and I need the room then.
Me: The room will not be ready then.
Him:  I will be back then. I need the room now.
Me: The room will not be ready before 2:00.
Him: WHAT? I need the room now. 
Me: The room is not going to be ready for a while.  Would you like a cup of coffee?
Him: No I don't want coffee.  I want to get into my room now. 
Me: I don't know what else to tell you.  The room is not ready. 
Him: Do you have a bathroom I can use?
Me: Sure, at the end of the dining room.

Twenty minutes goes by. Seriously, he is in the bathroom for twenty minutes. He comes back to the front desk.

Him: How long until my room is ready.
Me: Three hours. (By this time I am blunt and unfriendly.)
Him:  I'll be back then.
Me: Great. See you then, have a lovely day.  (I smile.)

Now, if this guy just had to use the bathroom, that would have been fine, it happens all the time.  But it was as if he had a dead body in the car that he wanted to put in a bathtub and cut up. The urgency about getting into his room was so over the top that I was beginning to worry about his motives. I watched him walk to his car and drive away. There was no one else in the car with him. At least not that I could see.  Without X-ray vision, I couldn't see if there was actually a body in the trunk.   There could have been. There could have been a box of bunnies in the trunk or a man dressed in a shark costume, I have no idea, but this guy was manic about getting into his room RIGHT THEN! 

I was on the desk until 3:00, he had not returned by then and the next morning I was not on the front desk so I did not get any resolution to the above speculation.  Housekeeping found no blood in the bathtub of his room and no discarded shark costume, no bunnies, nothing.

Oh, the joys of dealing with the public.

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