"Oh, I have always wanted to own a B&B! How did you become an innkeeper?!!!"

Seriously?  People still ask this shit stupid question? Yes, people still ask this stupid question.  My response:

Pause two seconds. Smile. "Well. Some career choices you pick, some are thrust upon you. This was one of those!  (Always with exclamation!)

Oh, you must love your job! How did you get into this?  

I was desperate and sleeping in my car, the job was available, I took it. I was here, the job was available, and here I am!

What do you think we should do today?

Pause two seconds. Thinking this: go back to your room and digest your breakfast then fuck your wife/husband/mate.  That would be unique!  Then drive your car to that cliff near the ocean, rev up the engine and put your foot on that accelerator and just glide over the embankment, feel the air slide over you and then plummet to the rocky beach below. 

You could read, you could hike, go wine tasting, take a drive, shop, eat more carbs, check each other for head lice, (I don't actually say that last part) or just lollygag for a day.  

Oh, you live here, what would you do if you had a day to .... just explore?  Where would you go?

I would drive as far away from here as I could. I would never come back. I would see the world, go to Montana again, to the Dakotas, off to Europe, to Tokyo. 
You should decide for yourselves what you like and then just do it!  It's your vacation, after all and here is a map from the National Seashore visitor center. You could go there!  And I don't get a vacation, you sorry fuck, so don't ask me how to spend your rich leisure time, I am on unemployment in three weeks and you will have erased this experience from your mind by then, unless you get food poisoning while you are visiting our quaint local food purveyors.

And where should we eat dinner tonight?  What's your favorite restaurant out here?

Pause two seconds and consider the food poisoning option. It is a real option and I am tempted but no, I don't hate these peeps. You know, I don't eat out much because all the restaurants cater to tourists and they mostly serve decent food. overpriced, under seasoned bland food that I am tired of.  But if you really want a recommendation, there's a great Mexican food truck you should try......

And their eyes glaze over.  Or the ........... is great, you will love it, great menu, full bar, you might have to wait a bit because it is so popular but it will be worth it!

Is there any local entertainment we shouldn't miss?

Oh, yes, I think.  Blow jobs in back of the local bar are a thing not to miss. Blow in the bathroom of the same bar is still a happening activity.  Weed everywhere and some Oxy too, if that's your choice!

Well, depending on the time and the day, sometimes the ......has a live band and so does the local bar.  Just venture out and see what you can find!

Thank you, that is so helpful!  We will see you in the morning and we can tell you about our great adventures!

Pause two seconds. Smile. Say nothing but think: GREAT! I CAN HARDLY WAIT!  Unless I have stabbed myself in the heart before then, I will be here, making  breakfast. It's like making pies. Just making pies. 

5:00 am
Here I am
Walking the block to Table Top
You could cry or die
Or just make pies all day
I'm making pies
Making pies

 
Thank you to Patti Griffin for "Making Pies" (and to Martha for the song) and thanks to those of you out there who read this blog and understand that Making Pies is just a metaphor in some ways. (When I listen to that song, I always cry, so maybe it's more than a metaphor, it is closer to real life.) I don't  know who you are, you blog readers, but when I look at the log of how many people read it, sometimes there are 30 or 40. It's amazing. Tell your friends, and tell me if you want me to write about anything else, other than my small life, my movies, books, food, friends, life, angst, etc.

xo.
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