Parents, here or gone, during this pandemic

For those out in lockdown land with elderly parents, I send my heartfelt sympathies and I wish unending strength for you.  Elderly are the most vulnerable and to know your parents may be frightened or ill and to realize that you cannot help, cannot see them, cannot simply be at their bedside, I can only imagine how devastating that might be.

My siblings and I are glad our parents are not here for this. They would die, most certainly, and we would be in that group who could not help.  

However, the strangest thing has happened to me which has caught me completely by surprise. For some reason, I am missing my Mom's voice right now and I wish I could call her on the phone.  For years I would call Mom every Sunday, no matter where I was. In the 1990's we did not have cell phones so payphones were the only option when traveling. Mom always knew when I was out of the country, of course, and when she picked up and realized it was me the first thing she said was "Where are you?" She loved that I was on an island north of Sicily or in Rome or especially when I was calling from Paris.  But if I wasn't traveling, I called her as well, of course. 

Perhaps it's a product of living alone and living in a rural setting without a neighborhood that I can call my own yet, or perhaps it's just this overwhelming sense of impotence and uncertainty, a bit of fear and .... loneliness.  I live alone, yes, but I am rarely lonely.  But now I find myself there, in that state of missing contact.  And I can't really do a fucking thing about it.

Hence wanting to call my Mom. Just to chat, just to get a little frustrated with her (in her later years) asking the same questions over and over and always turning the answers into something about her.  I even miss that!  Yes, I can call friends and my kids and we all have the Zoom thing going on but it simply isn't working for me all the time, emotionally.  Well, talking to the kids works,  but I am one of dozens of their conversational contacts.  For my Mom, it was always special when one of her kids called, and feeling special might be what I am jonesing for right now.

This is not a self-pitying whine, I know to my core that I am so lucky about where I live, that I am safe and well fed (burp! too well fed....) and I remain healthy and all that.  And I don't miss my Mom.  But I do miss her voice on the phone.

Stay happy out there. Share the love. 

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NYC perspective but way more than that. An allegory for our lives now.

A few years ago my friend Pat and I spent two weeks in the East Village and we ate at several of the places mentioned here in Gabrielle Hamilton's article, including Prune.  To think that these places may no longer be around once this fucking virus is through with us is sad.  Hamilton's piece here is so well written and so heartfelt, it transcends the restaurant business and could be seen as a metaphor for so much more in life.  

Pour yourself a cocktail this afternoon or a glass of wine or beer or ice tea or a cup of coffee, sit down and take the time to read this.  I think you will appreciate it.  If the link doesn't open, go to nytimes.com and under the banner, click on Magazine. You should be able to find it there.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/23/magazine/closing-prune-restaurant-covid.html?searchResultPosition=2 

"Molly's Game" on Netflix

A surprisingly good movie on Netflix, "Molly's Game" is based on a true story of a young woman who turned a friendly game of poker into a multi-million dollar personal industry. Because of the high stakes to buy in and the very upscale trappings of the game, she attracted actors, leaders of industry, millionaires and eventually some creepy Russian mob guys.

Without giving away too much, the movie follows Molly's introduction to the world of poker and all the way through to her sort-of downfall.  It's a tight film, very well written and acted, fast paced and great entertainment. The ending is good, for which I am a stickler. (I hate redemption endings.)  Jessica Chastain as Molly and the lovely Idris Elba as her lawyer are good roles for both of these actors and they do them justice. Kevin Costner has a small part and it's always good to see him in a film these days

Check it out.



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Rationalizing bad behavior? Follow some rules, please.

I just re-read the last post about breaking rules. Part of me wants to delete it but the other part says to leave it alone. Honestly, it sounds like rationalizing bad behavior, something I am loathe to admit.  But hey, bottom line is that I do defy authority now and then but I also respect  authority as a necessary boundary to keep civilization in line.  Without some rules we would have anarchy and I never really want that.  I just want my own personal kind of anarchy and everyone else should follow the rules.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Right now we are living with new rules. We are not supposed to mingle, we are supposed to stay in our own place and take shelter there. Socialization has come to a halt, at least in person. While no one likes this, most rational people understand the need for it.  The virus is deadly.  No one wants to become infected. However, there are people out there breaking the rules, of course, and in this case I want to slap them. Break rules that won't hurt anyone.  Don't break rules that can spread death and injury.

This pandemic is changing how we interact with each other and with society.  The future is unknown, of course, but we can bet there will be parts of this social distancing that will never be erased. Shaking hands, hugging strangers (yes, we do that in the hospitality industry, happy guests sometimes want to hug their hotel contact), sharing food, crowding together on subway and public transit trains and buses. But maybe the lack of contact will make us all appreciate whatever contact we can make.  Maybe this absence of touch will make us only settle for important touch and maybe our bonds will become stronger for that.

(Isn't it odd that the two words "stronger" and stranger" have just one little letter different and yet they are universes apart?)

Stay healthy and please be happy.  If you can.

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Rules: break or adhere?

Talking to a friend the other day, the concept of being a person who adheres to rules vs a person who breaks those rules came up. I hadn't thought of this difference in clear terms in a while.  Everyone, I guess, has their own guidelines of when to cross over the line into "illegal" territory, whether illegal is defined legitimately or morally.  

For myself, I would most often be over the line into the rule breaking territory. While no one likes authority telling them what to do, I consciously defy that authority. I drive over the speed limit regularly, although a lot less than I did 20 years ago. If cheating on my taxes was possible, I would do it.  If I could vote in a presidential election many times and not get caught, I would.  I have "shoplifted" goods from grocery stores by switching price tags. (This is almost impossible to do now because of bar codes, just saying.) And right now I currently walk past the "Do Not Enter" barrier to the Glen Ellen regional park when walking Cooper, because it's my park and we need the exercise. These are benign examples. There are more that are less easy to explain. I will not discuss those here.

But there are many out there who would never do such things. Rules are rules and they are there for reasons. I get that and I understand folks who don't want to edge over that line. But as Bob Dylan wrote "Sometimes you just find yourself over the line."  Sometimes breaking that rule, transgressing the law, just happens.

At least I see it that way. I would never break a rule that would put anyone in danger or cause someone pain. But right and wrong are sometimes two faces of one decision that arbitrarily tosses the dilemma straight at us. We wrestle with consequences every day.

More to follow.....

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Baseball: a documentary about the Portland Mavericks. Just watch it.

Whether you like baseball or not, and especially if you do, this is such a tribute to the sport, to players who play for the love of the game and for one guy who simply wanted to make it happen.  "The Battered Bastards of Baseball" is on Netflix and is 80 minutes of pure joy.

Portland, Oregon lost its Class B baseball team in the early 1970's.  Bing Russell, a working actor in small roles, wanted to get guys together to play ball, and to that end he started an independent baseball team, put an ad in the local newspaper for tryouts and hundreds of men came to play. A team, the Mavericks, was created. There were not many independent baseball teams, none on the West Coast in 1973 except the Mavericks. While they were totally independent, the Mavericks played against Class A minor league teams who were affiliated with major league teams like the San Diego Padres and many others. The Mavericks kicked ass for more than 4 years.

This is a film not just about baseball but about the love of the underdog, the love of the game, about playing against the establishment and playing for the joy of the win.  As Bing's son, Kurt Russell said, when he played on this team he had a thousand brothers. 

Watch this on Netflix. You will get a little teary and you will be very, very happy.  And for some of us, the chance to see Kurt Russell talk about his Dad is simply a great bonus.

All thumbs up for this one.

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"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

"..ay, there's the rub."

Yes, it goes on. But am I the only one having rather stark and frightening dreams these days?  Dreams where you can't breathe, dreams where you are encased in a kind of shroud? Is anyone else out there not sleeping much these days?  

To continue from Hamlet:

"For in that sleep of death what dreams may come 
when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause."

Leave it to Shakespeare to bring the dream to the final outcome: death.  Not that I am dreaming about dying but I have had dreams that were related to death. Everyone has, I am sure. Maybe now more than ever. 

Ah, what rot has this virus caused, even to those still safe from its scars and its death. Let that rot be banished from those of us who are keeping clear distance from evil.  

The above is not Shakespeare, that's just me. 

Keep safe distance out there.  Be happy and be healthy.

xo.
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Reading the stories we do not want to read: health care workers dying of the virus.

No matter what news source you utilize, stories about health care workers contracting and dying of the coronavirus are becoming more and more prevalent. Just today I read two in the online New York Times.  It's true, no one wants to read these stories, they are heartbreaking, frightening and they feel apocalyptic. But we must read them.  We owe it to those workers to respect the work they did for others. We who are still relatively unscathed in this catastrophic situation need to acknowledge our fortune which often come laden with guilt and emotional indebtedness. And monumental gratitude.

Every day we wake up and take inventory: is that a sore throat?  Do I feel weak and feverish or just need another cup of coffee? Why do I have this nagging cough in the morning, what is that about?  The list can go on and on but we quickly realize that we are alright.  We are still healthy. Others are not.

I have had a slight sore throat for a week. Today my ears are clogged and there is pressure in my sinuses.  Is this a precursor to something more serious?  Probably not. Probably just paranoia which seems rampant right now. But it makes me so conscious of how vulnerable and frightened we are right now. Just running into the grocery store five minutes before it close because no one else is there feels like a breach of a life choice. 

Read those stories of workers who tried to carry on with their jobs and got sick and died.  We cannot ignore the toll this is taking on regular working people. Those of us who have the money to stay home (and we would be working at Safeway otherwise) should thank our dwindling bank accounts every day. As long as we are healthy, we are supremely lucky.

Take care.

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"Long Bright River" by Liz Moore

Not a happy story but timely.  Two sisters, estranged for years, one a cop and one a drug addict.  The novel goes back and forth from their childhood to present day in Philadelphia.  Moore is an excellent writer, "The Unseen World" was also a very good novel from 2016.  "Long Bright River" continues that thread.

The tragedy of the opioid addiction that has ruined lives and decimated cities is no mystery to any of us. Moore not only personalizes the epidemic through her characters but shows the toll it takes on cities, government, families and communities. This book is not just a police procedure / mystery but a look into what has happened in our society, and what the big pharmaceutical companies and our government have allowed to continue.  It is worth reading.

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"Charade" with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn

Free on Amazon Prime, you should watch this movie if you have access. Grant and Hepburn are great together and the dialogue ranges from overly dramatic to incredibly funny.  A heist, a dead guy, some valuable historical artifacts, and it is shot in Paris!  What more does one need?  Pure entertainment and we definitely need more of that right now.

Check out "To Catch a Thief" while you are on an old-movie roll.  Again with Cary Grant but sub in the gorgeous Grace Kelly and some stolen goods, cat burglars and romance.....  great fun.

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"A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" Movie

Mr. Rogers figured heavily in my after-work routine in the 1980's.  For 30 minutes my kids would sit in front of the TV and Fred Rogers would work his neighborhood magic and calm those kids down.  I loved his home-spun voice, his puppets, the Land of Make Believe, all of it.

"A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" brought it all back, of course.  Tom Hanks is a perfect Fred Rogers and the sets were true to what I remember from the TV show. But the movie is so much more than just Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

This is a perfect movie for right now. It is about Fred Rogers and his relationship with a bitter journalist but it is more than that. It's about kindness, compassion and forgiveness. It's such an antidote to what is happening at this moment all over the world that to watch this film and not cry seems impossible.  It's almost as if Fred Rogers gives you the green light to cry, to feel vulnerable and afraid and to know that it's OK to feel all that.

It's $2.99 to rent from Amazon.  Just do it.  And have a beautiful day in your neighborhood.  Won't you be my neighbor?

Be careful and be happy.

Because several people have reported that the photos I post are not coming through, I am not posting any for the time being.  When I figure out what's up, photos will be back.

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The Last Waltz: "I see my light come shining......"

"Right through the lightening and the thunder, to the dark side of the moon
To that distant falling angel, that descended much too soon
Come dry your eyes"

I know, it makes little sense reading it but it made great sense in 1978 when Neil Diamond sang in on stage with The 
Band. Can't say why, but I can say yes. It made sense then.

In this time of seclusion, lockdown, quarantine, isolation, whatever you want to call it, we are all finding solace in different ways. Walking, cooking, sleeping, reading, watching. Tonight I rambled around the TV and found "The Last Waltz." Yes, I have seen it before, more than once. But no, never has it resonated like it has tonight. Is it because I needed music from forty years ago or is it because I needed the heart and soul of The Band and their final goodbye concert? Fuck who knows and fuck who cares. For right now, it is just perfect.

Right now there is Neil Diamond in his tinted glasses, his red shirt and blue coat, his totally non-The Band persona, playing his guitar and singing his song and pursing his lips in his Neil Diamond way and yet here are the rock legends playing along with him! That alone is worth the time to watch this movie of musicians playing for each other and with each other and loving every minute of it.

Then there is Neil Young, and how young he was then. "Blue, blue window behind the stars ..... leaves us helpless, helpless." Muddy Waters, deep voiced and mesmerizing, Joni Mitchell, buck teeth and hollow cheeks and amazing guitar work and lyrics. Such respect for her from the band. Eric Clapton, and the boys in the band pretty much dancing with their guitars keeping up with him on his "On Up the Road" and loving every minute of that string challenge. Van "The Man" Morrison, Bob Dylan with his white hat singing "Forever Young" and then bouncing to a different chord and slamming into a totally different song, "Baby, Let Me Follow You Down." Great guitar work out of all of them.

And finally, all of them on the stage, more of them that we saw individually, with Ronnie Hawkins, Dr. John, Ringo Starr, Paul Butterfield and so many others. Finishing it up with "I Shall Be Released" led by Dylan but every single one of those singers was in that moment, just sending out a voice that even now, 42 years later, that sounds as vibrant, as pure and as spun through with life and manic joy as anything I have heard since.

Gotta thank the players and Martin Scorsese. And cocaine, from what I read, but then, it was that time. It's just nice that we can see these musicians do their thing, and do it well. And I fucking enjoyed the hell out of it.


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Robbie Roberston, Levon Helms, Ronnie Hawkins, Lawrence Ferlingetti, VanMorrison,

John Prine: "Say hello in there, hello."

So if you're walking down the street sometime
And spot some hollow ancient eyes
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare
As if you didn't care, say, "Hello in there, hello"

John Prine died yesterday, April 7, at the age of 73.  He's the first person I have "known" who died of the coronavirus.

Given the wisdom of his songs, lyrics and the years he has been performing, I would have guessed he was older than 73.  I regret that I never saw him in a live performance.

His music, his lyrics were for everyone. He had little pretension in what he wrote, he didn't aim to be above anyone. He wrote about regular, everyday people but made sure his lyrics were pertinent and socially relevant. Prine's songs about poverty, war, veterans, drugs and addiction and love and life as well. They were realistic and to the point but never harsh or blaming. 

This evening I spent three hours listening and watching John Prine on a youtube channel on my TV.  It was a great look at an amazing songwriter and moved me to tears. I started listening to John Prine in the mid 1980's and loved him from the very beginning. Self-effacing, from humble roots, he had a way of telling a story in song that seemingly meant little until you seriously  listened to it.  Sadness, loneliness, broken hearts, addictions: he brought it all to the front, wrote about it and made us, the listener, understand the emotional reality in spare words. But he also wrote about love, connection, commitment in his off-hand yet honest and funny way.  

In spite of ourselves we'll end up a-sittin' on a rainbow
Against all odds, honey we're the big door-prize
We're gonna spite our noses right off of our facesThere won't be nothin' but big ol' hearts dancin' in our eyes 

I can't explain why his death has hit me so hard. To be honest, I think it's just a reaction to everything that has happened in the past three weeks, all the emotional and psychological crap bottled up over the quarantine, the deaths of thousands, our caustic economic future, the frightening possibility of being infected, the isolation.... and on and on. Then to hear that one of my favorite singer/songwriters is gone, and to hear and see him sing his songs.... let's just say I cried hard, and leave it at that.

What in the world has come over you
What in heaven's name have you done
You've broken the speed of the sound of loneliness
You're out there running just to be on the run.

Ah, John Prine. We will miss you.  

From "When I Get To Heaven":

When I get to heaven, I'm gonna shake God's hand

Thank him for more blessings than one man can stand
Then I'm gonna get a guitar and start a rock-n-roll band
Check into a swell hotel; ain't the afterlife grand?

And then I'm gonna get a cocktail: vodka and ginger ale
Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long
I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl
'Cause this old man is goin' to town

1991: Seriously. The Tonight Show

Johnny Carson had Robin Williams on the Tonight Show first, and then Jonathan Winters a few minutes later. On the same show.  It's such a wealth of comedy that it's easy to be overwhelmed but don't stop watching and don't stop laughing. 

We need laughing right now. We need silly, uncomplicated comedy and Robin Williams and Jonathan Winters fill that bill.  Yes, it's 30 years ago but their banter still works. If you are needing a laugh, needing many laughs, check it out.

And if this doesn't do it for you, that's the beauty of Youtube.  You can find anything and hopefully it will take your mind off the crap that is happening everywhere.

Here is the link. If it doesn't work, simply google "robin williams 1991 johnny carson" and you should be able to find it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzv6EhE7Cbo

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