Not that we need validation, especially when one considers that us Boomer parents are now in our 70's (more or less) and our kids are in their 40's (more or less) and thus are no longer children but full-fledged adults (more or less.) But an article in the NYT about some of the differences between how we raised our kids vs how parents today (the Gen X group) are raising theirs made me feel like we did all right.
Forty-some years ago, we were not helicopter parents. We didn't have time for that. Most of us were working, mothers and fathers, and we left our kids to their own devices quite often. We taught them how to do their own laundry when they were in grade school, rudimentary kitchen skills so they could contribute to dinner prep, where the extra key was hidden in case they lost theirs. Many of the Gen X kids (our kids) came home alone from school, got a snack, did homework, watched bad TV and perhaps indulged in nefarious behavior, all before the parental figures got home from work. We had a necessary trust in our kids, trust that they would take care of themselves and each other and not break too many rules.
For the most part, that philosophy worked pretty well. Of course, rules were broken now and then, kids got grounded and that trust had to be reestablished. But giving them room to get grounded, to break the rules and pay the price, also gave them a measure of self-reliance and taught them that actions have consequences. Their parents couldn't (and wouldn't) cull out all the scary stuff and pave the path with shiny yellow bricks as they skipped along to a perfect childhood.
The NYT article (link at the bottom) asks this:
Do you offer your kids broad exposure to the world, in all its beauty and foulness, and hope they make good decisions? Or do you try to protect them from ideas and activities that you see as dangerous or immoral — and also hope they make good decisions?
Two different parenting styles, of course, and I am so happy John and I, probably more or less unconsciously, chose the first option. Our kids saw both beauty and ugliness, meanness and kindness, safety and insecurity. They accepted life as it came (although not without arguing quite often) and the lack of helicoptering, the lack of shielding them from danger and proverbial doom did not harm them. In fact, I argue that it made them strong and perceptive and bold.
This leads me to wonder what our parents were thinking when they raised all of us Boomer kids. Did they have a conscious idea about parenting, did they read the Dr. Spock book, was it all by the seat of their pants? As a victim child of that era, I can say with conviction that there was little or no parenting "style" in my household. Too many kids, too little money: that was the relevant fact of my life as a kid, and probably the guiding force of my parents' attitudes as well. There was certainly nothing like a helicopter parent, no one watched over us at all. There was guilt and shame, maybe those two forces were the guiding principles in parenting after the war. But we survived.
As I said in the beginning, us Boomer parents really don't need validation of our parenting skills, it's too late for that anyway. But it's nice to read an articulation of something we did because we knew no other way. Thank goodness it worked out!
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/28/opinion/culture/children-parenting-good-decisions.html
My parenting skills were mostly unconscious. And, yes, thank goodness it worked out!
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