Five and a half years ago I had a partial knee replacement on my right leg. The surgery and the recovery went very well, there were no complications and no bad outcomes. Retrospectively, I should have had it done months sooner and I should have kept up with the physical therapy better, but hey... shoulda, woulda, coulda.
Next week I am having the same partial knee replacement surgery on my left leg. Same hospital, same surgeon, same everything. Except I am five and a half years older. And therein lies the trepidation.
Five years isn't much in a 73 year life time, but these five years aren't when I was in my 40's or 50's or even 60's. I am older. I am not as strong, my body does strange and unusual things all the time. Will this surgery be as swift and uncomplicated as the last one? Will my recovery be as simple and easy? Will I code on the table and die?
Yes, melodramatic I suppose but these are things I am thinking about. Mortality looms large, of course. I mean, fuck, Jimmy Buffett just died! Jimmy Buffett! The king of "if it isn't fun, it shouldn't be done." How can I not think about dying?
It's not that I am afraid of this surgery. I am not. I look forward to being able to walk more than a half mile without pain. A few weeks ago I took the ferry into SF, walked the two miles to my seat at a Giants game, walked the two miles back and my knee was wrecked for a week. I want that to go away, to be erased. Walking is my meditation and I need that back. So bring on the surgery! Just don't let anything weird happen along the way or under the knife or in the few days after it.
And as Jimmy said: Yesterday's over my shoulder, I can't look back for too long. There's just too much to see waiting in front of me and I know I just can't go wrong.
Thanks for listening. And listen here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oR2KkwAVGHo
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