We would want something else, but what?

Getting old is on my mind a lot lately.  Not getting old for myself, I still think of 65 as "young middle age" of course.  But I just read the book "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalanithi, written mostly by Paul who was a neurosurgeon who died very young from lung cancer. It is different than "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande because one is about a young doctor dying and the other is about all of us dying. However, there's the connection: dying.

I drove to Sacramento on Monday to see my Very Old Mother, as I do every other week.  Usually I dash out there in the morning, take her out for coffee and a muffin and dash back to get to work on time.  (This is when molecular transport would really be handy, just saying to Dr. Spock et al.) This past Monday I took the day off from work so I could have more time. We hung out in her tiny room for a short while and then drove around, aimlessly, until about 4:00. We then went to a very casual restaurant that she likes for a very early dinner. It was empty (a good thing) and we got a nice booth (a good thing because those tables are bolted to the floor and thus do not wobble when an Old Person has to use them to leverage herself up.  This is something of importance.) Mom's walker was easily stashed next to the table, something that would  not be possible if the restaurant was busy.

We ordered sweet potato fries because Mom loves them and they were perfect. We split a teriyaki salmon dish with rice and sauteed veggies, farmed salmon for sure, but it was good.  And we had a glass of Simi Sauv Blanc, a very nice white wine. Mom gets no wine unless someone takes her to dinner, so she was very pleased. She is so small now that it was difficult for her to maneuver the tall glass, so we put a straw in it and that was fine. The restaurant was very quiet, the service was very nice and we had a good time. When we left, 90 minutes later, Mom was very happy and very relaxed and that was good.

We all will die someday.  Some of us will die young, too young, like my friend Martha.  Some of us will linger long, too long, like my Mom. Some of us might be lucky to time out appropriately.  The two books mentioned above are Must Reads for everyone over the age of 30 because they are clear about dying and about living until you die. I know I beat this drum often, perhaps too often, but there comes an age when you must acknowledge mortality even if it isn't staring you in the face.  It is peeking around the corner, or we are peeking at it from around that corner, but it is there. 

There is so much to say about this and I will revisit this topic again because I am still alive.  Meanwhile, have some sweet potato fries. Laugh. Enjoy that glass or wine or that bowl of ice cream or that day at the beach.  It's all too short.

We all know that.

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