Being alone and being happy about it.

 A friend called me a few days ago to read a quote from Hunter S. Thompson about being alone and about self respect. Because this subject has been my obsession lately, it was like a lucky star just dropped into my lap. That someone else out there in the wide universe read a few sentences and knew that those words were meant for me was humbling and validating. 

We are all unique individuals, even if we are with someone. Our society puts such emphasis on "partnering up" that sometimes one can feel like an outsider when one doesn't want a mate. Whether it's a long-term partner or a short-term relationship, it's what is expected of us in our culture. How many times has someone said to me something like "...but don't you want to meet someone?"  Meaning, of course, don't I want someone in my life, in my house, in my bed, for the long term.  The answer, for me, is a strong NO. 

I have long-term mates. I have friends I have known for over 50 years, I have kids and siblings  and I have known them forever. These are not casual relationships: they mean the world to me. No one can or should go through life without friends, without contacts. But these friendships are enough for me right now. I can see the people I want when I want. No one needs to be with me every hour of every day. No one needs to be my companion on more than a now-and-then basis.

Sometimes I wonder if my childhood prompted this need for the solitary life. We had 8 people in a three bedroom house and there was never a chance for privacy or alone time. Until I was in my late 40's I never lived alone. Three of my six siblings live alone like myself. Maybe there's a genetic (or environmental) reason some of us are solitary beings, living alone quite contentedly. 

There is a huge difference in being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a choice to not have someone else around. It doesn't mean I am lonely, it means I am happy by myself. And if I am not happy, another person isn't going to fix that.

In the words of Hunter S. Thompson:

We are all alone, born alone, die alone and we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way.  I do not say lonely - at least, not all the time - but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.