It's not that I want a coach for anything in my life but perhaps I am missing out on an opportunity to totally turn my life around! Like those ads you see on Instagram or on the back of cheap magazines that promise instant money, instant weight loss, instant success in everything, coaches now seem to be the answer to every prayer, all day, 24/7. Life coaches, pet coaches, dating coaches, baby coaches, kitchen-bathroom-patio coaches: they are swarming around every single aspect of your life. These coaches can do anything you want: make you money, get you laid, train your dog or your kid, fix your marriage, teach you to cook, curb your addictions and help you find Jesus or Allah or Jehovah. Or Satan, I suppose.
Not that this is a new phenomenon, but I didn't realize how prevalent this coaching thing is until a friend told me that a friend of his was using a "dating coach" to help write personal on-line ads on some platform like Bumble or Grumble or match.com. Seriously, if you are looking for a mate you should be able to write your own ad, unless you are looking for a fictionalized version of your life. If that's the case, it should be totally easy: "Hunky guy with black curly hair and blue eyes looking for a cute dolphin with sleek lines and a slim tail who loves swimming in the ocean under the moonlight and eating tiny fresh fish." How difficult is that? You need to pay someone good money to write up a lie? People are paying $250 a shot for a good ad. Hell, I would do it for $25, a bargain! And I would guarantee results! I will go out and get those tiny fresh fish myself! And feed them to you !
And a coach for your kid to get that kid to sleep through the night? Read a parenting book, let the kid cry a couple of nights and done! Same with a kitchen coach: watch youtube and find everything you need for free! I actually found a coach who will teach you, if you pay her, in two days, how to make and maintain a sourdough starter! Two days! For a loaf of bread! Holy cow.
I want a coach who will do exercises for me, clean my kitchen, finish the jigsaw puzzle that has been sitting on the table for a week, steal my knee pain and make it theirs, tell me the meaning of life and make me really good cocktails. I am willing to employ an intern for this purpose, an unpaid intern, and will give them a glowing line on their resume.
Just saying. Man up. Do it yourself. DIY, right?
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