WalMart

Not being a fan of Big Box Stores, I don't go to WalMart.  In fact, I think I have visited one maybe once in the past. But today I went. On my own.  OMG. 

The place was huge. It had a huge McDonald's restaurant right in the front door and I almost took refuge there and almost ordered an Egg McMuffin so I could pretend I was in a foreign state like Arizona, just traveling through, getting a little breakfast.  (This store opens at 6 in the morning, so that's something to keep in mind for the next road trip.)  But I soldiered on. Past the line of a hundred grocery carts, past McDonald's, always scanning, looking for the two small items I was searching for.  Did I mention that this place was gigantic?  I know there are bigger stores, ones they call something like WalMart Monstrosity in Texas. (I could be mistaken. Maybe they are called WalMart Superstores, but monstrosity would be better.) I walked and walked for miles, trying to find the aisle with furniture and the aisle with vacuums. I found the vacuum aisle and they had the bags I needed.  Furniture, sadly another story.

I am looking for a bookcase, preferably one that isn't a solid block of wood.  A folding bookcase would be great but I want one that is at least five feet tall. On line it appeared that WalMart had such a thing. In the store it was apparent that the Internet lied.  They had many things, many odd pieces of furniture, all in tidy boxes that a normal person could never lift.  A 7 foot couch, in a box.  A bookcase that was 6 feet long and 7 feet tall, in a box.  A combination bookcase, TV stand, storage cubicle, in a box. An entire portable bar with built-in ice bucket, in a box. None of these things worked for me.

With my two packages of vacuum bags in hand, I got lost trying to find the check-out aisle.  I ended  up in hunting and gathering equipment, fishing poles next to nets made for scooping up small animals to roast on the portable grill with the 50 pound bag of charcoal under the multi-colored portable shade tent.  And on top of all this, there is an entire grocery store that has not only groceries but treats like wine, beer, Jack Daniels (I was tempted to open a bottle right there in the store at 9:28 in the morning but the security personnel are wise.....the tops are covered with a security device that prevents drinking until you buy it. Sad.) and so much more.  Astonishing.  A entire aisle about 80 feet long of potato chips.  So much frozen food, I had no idea you can get frozen buffalo burgers, frozen cheese, frozen fried butter.  I looked for frozen human organs but I must have missed that aisle. I was starting to panic, expecting to see pod people from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" or Steve McQueen running from "The Blob."  It felt like I was in another dimension, one not of sight nor sound.  Rod Sterling would have been a comfort at that point.

Finally I managed to check out, leave the building and return to my car.  It was a scary lesson in big stores.  It made Costco look friendly, small and intimate. I never want to return.  It's Crazy Town, that's all I have to say.

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