Dark

Walking the dog this morning, early, 6:30.  Still dark outside. Very cold. Cooper and I were startled a couple of times, surprised to come upon someone sleeping near the sidewalk, in a doorway, against the wall of a building.  Cooper, being much lower to the ground than I am, spots them first, probably smells them before he sees them.  He approaches with great caution, gives them a wide berth, doesn't want to get involved.

It is surprising how many people sleep outside in Santa Rosa.  By 7:00 most of them are awake and moving slowly along the sidewalks, often hauling their possessions with them, sometimes stashing them someplace well covered with foliage. It seems that in the year I have lived in SR the number of homeless has doubled.  Maybe not, but it seems so.  

Some say "good morning" and some say nothing.  Some scowl, some just look vacant.  None look happy, most resigned at best.

It's cold outside at 6:30 am. Freezing lately.  It makes me feel bad for them and lucky to have a bed with blankets. They have nothing to feel lucky about, at least that's what I think every morning. There is nothing lucky about being alive if your life is simply awful.  

Life is never fair, is it?

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Holidaze

There should be something wise to say about the holiday season or at the very least something witty but I have nothing.  It's a cold day after Christmas, my gas oven is on because the space heater isn't doing its job and Cooper is curled up on the couch, under a blanket.  Gabe and Annie and I were lucky to find crab for Christmas Eve (thanks to their insight about which SF neighborhoods would not be crab consumers) and many bottles of champagne were happily sipped.  We had serious plans for making it an early night but in the middle of the second Scrabble game Gabe suddenly reported that it was already after 1:00 am! We quickly quit the game (fine with me since I was definitely not winning that round) and went directly to opening our gifts.  We had pledged to NOT buy gifts this year but one needs to open something, so the gifts were things like Beer Nuts and socks and used books.  (My expenditures for all 5 of my kids was less than $25 total.  A lot less, actually, more like $15.)

And now there is the wait for the end of the year. I have a couple of days of work, thankfully, and then who knows what happens after that.  Maybe it's the lack of meaningful engagement or it's the cold weather or it's just me, but I feel blank and worn.  Not worn out, not tired,  just worn.  Frayed. Threadbare. Could be a reflection of my bank account as well, down to bare bones. It's like looking in the pantry (if I had one) and finding only an old box of pasta and some soy sauce: just not enough to even discuss.

That's all I've got for now.

Embarrassing

There is great awkwardness (is that even a word?) in re-reading one's blog posts a day or two after publishing them. The mis-used words (manor instead of manner, how embarrassing) and the stupid grammar errors.  Sigh. Ah, well, we are all flawed creatures.  And awed creatures at the same time.  I thank every one of  you for not pointing out the errors.  And that's easy because perhaps no one actually read the post so I am possibly off the hook. 

Great dinner with Steve tonight, back to Spinster Sisters here in Santa Rosa.  I am serious, if anyone who reads this wants to come to SR and have dinner with me, this restaurant is a great choice.  Lots of small plates, great tastes, really good wine list and, most important, good people and a lot of fun. Go early.  It gets very crowded and loud after about 7:00. 

Back to MI-5.  Cheers.

And another week gone!

Yes, another week has zipped by.  Now home from Texas where I had a great time visiting with my lovely daughter and letting her boss me around.  Jenn was catering a weekend party at her girlfriend's house but she also had to work so I got to be the fill-in cook for a couple of days.  However, since her kitchen is set up to cook (and we all know mine isn't) it was a pleasure.  I rocked out dozens of cookies, chicken Thai dumplings (think pot-stickers), artichoke dip, cakes, breads, spicy nuts, all manner of tasty bits.  We even made deep-fried mac and cheese balls! (Yes, wrong in many ways but just think: crispy on the outside, melting in the middle, finger-lickin' good.)  In Texas, it isn't a party unless something is deep-fried.

We also got to see the Grand Prairie Christmas light show!  4 million lights in two miles!  I was expecting houses decorated to the nines but this is a entire regional park given over to some crazy crew with lights on the brain...... you drive down small roads at a snail's pace and there are light displays all over, with moving parts and themes and brilliant displays that would be totally awesome if you were on drugs.  (The lights were quite nice without the drugs, but I'm just saying.)

Texas is Texas.  Land of hugeness, whether light displays or dead bugs on the sidewalks or front yard Christmas displays.  It was nice to be there and it's nice to be home.  

It's probably time to start Christmas shopping but since we aren't really doing gifts this year, I can put it off until next year.  Going to see the aged Mom tomorrow to fulfill my holiday responsibility.  Back on Friday for great festivities abounding this coming weekend.  Crab for Christmas eve with tons of champagne and lots of thanks to the universe for getting us this far through the year.  It has been a fucked-up year in many ways, but I guess if you are alive and healthy and not sleeping on the street, you can't complain too much.

 

 

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A week later.....

You know, writing this silly blog has given me great respect for people who actually WRITE.  Not scribble, like me, but actually spend time each day writing.  It takes a great deal of dedication, determination and discipline.  If you don't do it every day, a whole week zips by and you think "what?  where did those seven days go and what was I doing all that time?"  I could say something here like "from now on I am going to write a blog post every day" and I could mean it and honestly, it still wouldn't happen.

This past week:  came to Daly City, took Gabe and Annie to the airport, made dinner for some friends here in DC, went to Stacey and Ben's to hang out with Sam and Henry (twice!), made some cookies, walked the dogs, and watched some crappy TV.  The crappy TV part is important because I don't get TV at my house, just movies and stuff via my Roku.  So I miss things like CSI and Chopped and Iron Chef and even the evening news.  It's amazing how addictive television is and at the same time how vacuous. But I guess we all know that.  Now that I have had a good, satisfying fix, I am happy to leave it alone for another several months. 

Tomorrow I am jetting off to Texas for a couple of days to see my daughter and do Texas things, whatever that may entail.  I will definitely do a blog from Jenn's house, perhaps with photos attached!  There are things that happen at this time of the year in Texas that probably don't happen anywhere else in the USA and I intend to find out what they are and report back.  After all, as we all know, Texas is the gold standard for creativity, good taste and seasonal art displays.  I would really like to see a Christmas manger scene with Jesus, Mary and Joseph wearing cowboy hats or boots or the like.  That would be superb!

Remember:  only 11 more shopping days until xmas.  Don't waste them! 

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Yumm and Yuck

The yumm:  I made a most delicious dinner last night, bought a cheap piece of pork roast from Safeway (and yes, I hate buying meat from them but the bank account wouldn't allow Whole Foods) and basically made a great winter stew with cubed meat, onions, red pepper, carrot, sweet potato, garlic, apple.....  a little kick from some red pepper flakes and it was delicious.  Very comforting and cheap!  And there are left-overs, which I love.

The yuck:  my so-called job, which was supposed to start last weekend, then was postponed until Dec. 18, has now been postponed again until after Jan. 1.  Really guys?  How badly do you want me to work for you?  Do you understand that all the training I had TWO WEEKS AGO will be just about forgotten by then?  I think it's back to looking for other employment, just in case.  At least the unemployment check still comes in but as my previous post indicated, I am tired of not having enough to do. 

And isn't that just the most whining thing you have heard someone say in a while?  That I am tired of sitting around doing nothing?  I apologize for that, I know many of you reading this would be very happy to have some time off with some money coming in.  I get that.  I won't talk about it again, I promise.

At the end of this week I am going to Gabe and Annie's to dog-sit for them for a few days and I am looking forward to using their kitchen for my personal baking needs.  They have more than 18 inches of counter space (!) and an oven that can accommodate a real baking sheet. Shortbread, bread, pies, cakes, all manner of things may be produced.  I am looking forward to that. 

Finally, thanks to all of you who responded to my email about the blog.  Honestly, I do write it mostly for my own amusement but it is rather heartwarming to know that many of you take a peek at it now and then.  Thank you for that.

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Cabin Fever

When I was out of work for two years, I didn't sit still all that much. Worked in West Marin for most of a year, stayed with Gabe and Annie for six months and for part of that six months I drove around a bit.  Let me clarify:  I drove around a lot, to Oregon, Texas and parts in between.  Then I went to Texas for a couple of months (in the summer, if you recall and how nasty that was!) and leaving Texas, I drove some more.  I was either on the move or planning to be on the move. It was fine. I like being on the move.

This time, unemployed, I am sedentary, everyday looking for work, finally finding it but with a delayed start-by date.  I have read so, so many books, have watched so, so many movies and taken more walks with the dog than I care to remember. It's all been fine but I have a serious case of cabin fever right now.  Must. Do. Something.

Yesterday, on a whim, I tossed my overnight kit, my pj's, some dog food and a book into a bag and Cooper and I hit the road.  We drove out to Jenner and then north, up Hwy. 1 for a while.  It was a lovely day and it reminded me of how much I like to drive.  The ocean was chocolate-colored, sandy from the storm on Sunday.  The sky was gray but not too ominous.  Cooper continued to pant, as he does in the car but I didn't care. I was happy simply driving.  We drove past Elk then turned around and went back to Gualala and stayed in a cottage on the edge of the ocean. (It's amazing how many great deals on lodging you can get this time of the year, especially if you admit you are in the lodging business. It helps!)  The cottage had a spectacular view and it was quite nice but really, how much time do I need in another small cottage?  Not much.   The ocean was soothing, that part I loved.  But when we woke this morning it was raining and we faced either another day hanging out inside or hitting the road.  We hit the road.

We drove north, through big rain, the coast was gorgeous, up to Mendocino, made a loop around town and then went back south to 128.  That road, from the coast to Boonville, is one of my faves.  The redwood trees are so strong and sturdy, the light is blocked out on days like this. The trees drip, the rain spatters, the air smells like pine needles and heaven.  At other times of the year, when the sun is shining it's like a movie:  shafts of light filter through the trees, you could be anywhere in the world, waiting for the Rapture, if you believed in that sort of thing.  (Hah!)  But today we were simply there, driving along, happily.  Once through Boonville, instead of continuing on 128, we took the road to the left to Ukiah. Oddly, it's a road I have never been on before and it was a good one, less curvy and nice scenery. Fog and rain and green. What more does one need?

That's it.  From there we hooked up to 101 and home.  I toyed with the idea of staying somewhere else but when it's raining and one has a dog, there isn't much to be done but hunker down and I can do that fine in my tiny abode.  Cooper was happy to be out of the car, I dropped some books off at the library (and got a friggin parking ticket, for which I wrote a sad, pleading letter to the city of Santa Rosa), went to the market and now there is a nice pork stew with apples, fennel, onions and yams simmering on my stove.  The house smells delicious, the rain is falling outside and, for a day, my cabin fever, my wanderlust, is put on the back burner.  

 

 

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