This is me being a Mom. I realized, as I wrote the blog about Jenn, that I didn't write anything about Gabe's birthday this year. In April, Gabe turned 40 years old which is a milestone. It was also the week my Mom died. I saw Gabe a day before his birthday which was two days after Mom died, and we celebrated, sort of, then. We had dinner, Annie, Jenn, Dar, and we drank some really nice rye whiskeys. We toasted Mom and Gabe and life.
Gabe is also so much more than I expected 40 years ago. He is the kid who wasn't contentious but was so, so thoughtful and kind and sometimes spacey as boys often are. But I know that in high school he seemed like a calm, obedient person but he broke a lot of rules. I have gleaned glimpses of those trashed rules over the years. Gabe also had a history of crashing cars for a while, once when someone loaned him a brand new sporty car (I am not sure it even had license plates yet) and he rolled it on a road out in Pt. Reyes Station. And by "rolled it" I mean just that. I saw the wrecked car in the local Pt. Reyes garage and it was some car racing angel who looked out for him in that accident.
I was the one who told Gabe not to move in with Annie, his first real serious girlfriend when he was..... maybe 20. It was my mother bear protective speech about getting hurt, how hard it is to move out when the person has moved in, how young he was...... and he and Annie have now been together for 20 years. Clearly Gabe knew his heart and he owned his life. He still does.
He is a man. It's so difficult for me to know that in my heart and mind. He is not my Gabe, he is Gabe and he is a man. However, even at 40 I can see the 5 year old in him, but that's because it's what parents do. I remember carrying him, sleeping, from the car, maybe even when he faked sleeping just to get carried. And there are too many memories get started on...... but every time I see him, he's still my boy. Grown up and all. He still grins like a ten year old. He is so smart, incredibly wise for his age, beautifully articulate, funny, talented, knowledgeable about so many things in the world and he makes the best Manhattan I have ever sipped!
OK, that's enough...... how much do I love my kids? There isn't a big enough word to describe it.
.
Very loving words. I hope he reads this. Talk with you soon.
ReplyDeleteI tried to read this to Diane and could not get through it without happy tears.
ReplyDeleteThanks, John. I hope he reads it as well, but alas, my kids seem to not read the blog much. But it's fine, I write it for me......
ReplyDeleteThis literally made my heart explode. The image of you carrying a young, sleepy Gabe from the car to his snuggy, boy room bed is so sweet. Heart tugging and emotional. And super close to home. Such a good boy you two raised. Love you all!
ReplyDelete