I am currently reading a book by Timothy Snyder, a booked called "Our Malady." He is a professor, a historian, a writer and a profound thinker. It is mainly about the health care system in the U.S. Or the lack of such a system.
Snyder was very seriously ill in the very beginning of 2020, almost died from an infection in his liver that went undetected for weeks. The book is taken from diary entries he made while thinking he would die and hoping he would live. It's a small book, could be read in two hours, but the indictment of the health care system is spot-on and deserves a lot of thought.
The one thing that got me in the first ten pages of the book was what he was thinking about concerning his two kids as he faced his possible death. His kids were young, probably around ten years old, so his life with them was still very new. He was, of course, integral to their lives as they were to his. He states this so perfectly: "Every bit of their existence involved the expectation of my presence."
I am at the stage where my life is no longer integral to my kids' lives. I don't think that's a negative thing, it is simply a fact. Actually, I think it's a positive statement because Jenn and Gabe no longer have the "expectation of my presence" in that kind of profound, unwavering way. It's a relief to know that once I am no longer alive their existence will not diminish because of my absence. They are adults and no longer need a parent; my presence is not needed. Yes, they will probably miss me (well, one hopes) but their lives will go on quite nicely.
For some reason, that one sentence distilled the parent-child dynamic for me. And since what I do on this blog is share my thoughts, ideas and beliefs with you, I wanted to share that as well.
On another subject by Timothy Snyder is an editorial he wrote for the NYT. The link is below, or copy and paste it into your browser. If you haven't read anything by him, start with this piece he wrote three days after the January 6th insurrection at the Capitol: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/09/magazine/trump-coup.html
It is powerfully written and extremely important.
Be well.
Yes, you will be missed. We are not integral to their lives now. Yet, we have a right to smile, be happy for them and enjoy them. We have done okay:)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the practicality and clarity of that statement. It's a comfort to those who's children are mature and independent. They will be okay.
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