Fear of Flying

Here are some of the good things about flying: disembarking, having a final destination that promises to be fun and vacationy, getting a couple of hours to read without the nagging thought that you really should be cleaning the house instead, Sky Mall Magazine, cute little bottles of alcohol, not being in charge of anything for a short time, free water.

Here are a few of the bad things about flying:  germs, loud uninterrupted noise, strangers coughing at you, pat-downs, stale air, ebola virus (come on, we've all seen the movie,) cramped quarters, sweat, boredom, fear of dying, a stranger's thigh touching yours, more germs, overpriced alcohol,  being hit in the head by someones shoulder bag as they walk past you, overused smelly lavatories, bad coffee, body odors, the reclining seat in front of you, small children with legs in back of you, very large people sitting next to you.

I could go on and on and I am sure you have more to add to the list.  Do the good points outweigh the bad?  Sometimes.  If, say, you are on your way to Paris, France, or on your way to collect your million dollar lottery winnings, then I would say the good will definitely outweigh the bad.  Otherwise, it's a toss-up.  Especially on the return journey.  Everyone is excited on the way to the vacation or reunion or wedding or cruise.  Expectations are high, a good time is waiting for you, all the clothes in your suitcase are clean.  Coming back, no one is in a good mood.  All the clothes you are carrying are dirty and stinky, your hair is a mess because you didn't have time for a shower because of the early flight, you know your office is going to be a disaster area because you had the gall to take a week off, the cat probably pooped on the floor in retribution for leaving it alone with a week's worth of food and water and kitty litter, and the person sitting next to you smells like a week-old pizza gone bad.  

And the germs!  Even if you don't touch anything on the plane, those germs are swarming around you like hyenas over a dead deer. Just waiting to pounce, waiting to bite, waiting to crawl up your  nose and make you sick.  Not then, of course, no, they are crafty little buggers.  It isn't until two or three days later, once they have taken up residence in your body, then you start to feel a nagging scratchy thing in the back of your throat, or a little shiver in your gut which eventually turns into a full-blown flu or cold or plague.  Is there some unwritten rule that as soon as you get on the plane you cannot cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze?  

From SFO to DFW (Dallas-Ft. Worth) the flight was fine.  Half full, easy, took off at a civilized time of day, we brought tasty snacks, landing was perfect, we were on our way to a four day fun-filled visit with Jenn.  Everything was great!  From DFW-SFO the flight was more crowded, departure time was pre-sunrise, we were already feeling the effects of the germs from the first flight.  Getting through security, I made the metal detector go off..... for no reason, of course.  But it won me a hands-on, full-blown pat-down.  In front of everyone (or those who cared to watch) I got my front, back, sides and, let's just say interior, portions of my anatomy poked and patted and almost prodded.  At one point I actually yelped, much to the surprise of the female TSA.  She was alarmed that I was alarmed and my response was "I just wasn't expecting you to go there with such force!"   Ah, yes, the joys of travel.

I don't even want to get started on the people who insist on rolling their suitcases down the aisle of the airplane.  The suitcases do not fit down the aisle. They are too wide.  The aisle is too narrow.  The suitcases have a handle.  Pick them up and carry them sideways.  If you can't carry them, check them.  Simple.

But will I give up traveling?  Nope.  Most of my travel will be by car for the next year or so, but if I have the opportunity to go to Paris without breaking the bank, I will gladly put up with the germs, the smells, the inconvenience of air travel.  The best thing about airplanes is that after hours of captivity, when you finally disembark, there you are!  Safe, alive and somewhere else and hopefully that somewhere else is somewhere like Paris.