OK, this is rather sad. I have sent out, via email, over 25 resumes and cover letters in the last three days and do I get many responses? No! I received one response, ten seconds after I submitted a six page application, telling me I wasn't qualified. I received three other responses telling me that due to the high volume of responses I shouldn't expect a reply unless I fit the profile perfectly. In other words, don't call us, we'll call you. Actually, many of the sites that list the name of the employer do say that: Do Not Contact Us Directly.
Should I be dismayed? Am I dismayed? I am not sure. I want a job and I need a job. Hmmm, to tell you the truth I don't really WANT a job. I want the paycheck. I don't mind living the life of slothfulness and not answering to a boss, but the lack of funds is a serious issue. I wake up in the middle of the night, or I often am struck with panic in the middle of the day, thinking: what will I do if I don't have a job by the end of May?
Additionally, I am in a state of mind where I cannot for the love of anything make a decision. It comes down to this: I do not know what I should be doing right now. I honestly don't know how I should be living my life, what steps I should take to further my job search, where I should go, when I should simply hit the road. I almost feel as if I am in a state of suspended animation but I know that is not the case because I am animated. Not suspended, but actually living and breathing. I sort of wish I was suspended, in a block of clear acrylic, like a wasp from the Mesolithic Era. At least then I wouldn't have this sense of ennui and indecision.
But I took one positive step today, maybe a foolish one (so some will say) for an unemployed person. I ordered a French language course through Rosetta Stone, one of the best at-home language courses you can buy. Why? Because I want to learn some French, of course. Why? Because I want to go to France, of course. Why? Because it is not here and they have really good bread and wine and cheese there.
I don't have an answer, I did it because I wanted to.
I may be back on the road in the next couple of days, stay tuned for upcoming events.
I will just say I'm excited for what might come next... whatever that is. Why such the rush though? Not that I'm stalling for more onion soup, but even when any decision is made, there's usually another one to follow. Yes, I probably should practice more of what I'm preaching to someone who preached the same practices to me... but, we have the luxury of having the resources (or is that resourcefulness?) of limiting the damage of so many of the choices we do make. If a sensible perspective only serves to justify our own inhibitions by bolstering our humility to debilitating levels, how great a service are we doing to ourselves? (Easier said than done?... yes. But damn I'd love to have the same fearless attitude in the morning. :-)
ReplyDeleteI second what Gabe says, but wonder - why limit yourself to only in the morning? I'd love to retain that fearless attitude all day. I can find that fearless attitude often, but it also disappears quite often too. I want to retain it all day. And PS - when you're done with your Rosetta Stone, I'll rent it from you so I, too, can learn French again and maybe you and I can run off to France and attend a culinary arts academy or something. They give scholarships in France, right?
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