Unemployment blues continued

Don't be surprised if the title of this blog changes from "Julie Travels" to something totally different, like "Julie Would Like to Travel But Can't Because of Lack of Funds"  or "Julie Stays Home"  or some such thing. I am probably one of the few people who wouldn't mind getting the over-zealous pat-down from the TSA people because at least it would mean I was getting on a plane, going somewhere.  Touch me wherever you want, do the full scan of my fat body, I care not.  Just give me an airline ticket and let me actually travel somewhere.  It is obvious that the original title of  "Julie Travels" was wishful thinking.  Hopefully another road trip is in my future, but after yesterday's posting about being unemployed I now find myself pondering that great gorge of darkness.  How utterly useless and unproductive I have become!  Well, other than walking the dog a lot.

I have been reading other blogs about being unemployed.  Seems all of us go through the same steps, the elation of having some time off, the hard work looking for another job, the depression that comes when the new job does not materialize.  Denial, anxiety, depression, elation, the list goes on and on.  It sounds self-pitying and whining and it probably is.  But still, it is tough to be out of work for so long and since no one else really feels sorry for you ("be positive, something will happen!") one must feel sorry for oneself.  Hey, I have been working fairly steadily for 45 years and I have always been able to find another job when necessary.  The fact that now I can't is not just surprising but deflating and frightening too.

Ah, yes, but still.  One must keep the the positive attitude going, no matter what.  That's what everyone tells me.  But in the middle of the night, wide awake, the question floats above me like the sword of Damocles:  What happens if I never get another job?   Really, answer me that, Mr. Wizard.  What if I never get hired again?  I can't live at my son's house forever, that is unacceptable to me and probably to him as well.  But what's next?  Think about it.  If you were unable to live where you now live because you could no longer afford it, if there were no income for you at all, if your meager savings carried you only so far, what would you do?  Scary stuff.