Seriously, some of these are amazingly nauseating. Take the risk only if you are strong of stomach.
http://someoneatethis.tumblr.com/
Saturday, December 30, 2017
The Sad Potluck Dinner of This Holiday Season
What is it about an invitation to a potluck gathering that makes me a little afraid before I even attend? And then, once attending, I am not only afraid but sad and appalled and a bit pissed off! This does not make me joyful or full of festive holiday spirit, it makes me a bit spiteful and Bah-Humbug-ish to be honest. (To be clear, as I mention below, I have been to a few potlucks that kicked ass because good cooks were invited and they cooked! This is not that.)
Yes, I will admit that I am a bit of a snob when it comes to sharing food. My theory is that if you are going to cook something to share with others, make it something good! Make it something that will either WOW people or at least make them say "YUM!" What you bring should not make people say "YUK" even to themselves, and hopefully not say it out loud.
A large bowl of plain cooked quinoa is not an appropriate thing to bring to a holiday potluck, sorry. Plain. Cooked. Quinoa. Nothing in it, no flavor, no seasoning. What is that supposed to mean? "Hey, sorry, I had this in the cupboard and needed to use it by the expiration date so just take a big spoonful and eat up!" Equally inappropriate is a tiny little salad that would really only serve one person as a side dish and it had been drowned in a vinaigrette dressing hours before, so the lettuce and mushrooms and pears were slippery, wilted and inedible. (And the flavor combo of raw mushrooms and pears is no bueno, just saying.) Also inedible was falafel that seemed to be made with kidney beans instead of chickpeas and was shaped like tiny footballs and then baked. The footballs were heavy enough to have been kicked over a goalpost.
Also present was a kale salad that looked festive with its green leaves and red bell peppers but aren't we done with kale salad by now? Didn't kale salad peak about two years ago? If you MUST make it, could you at least shred the large kale leaves so that when you eat it you don't have a huge leaf hanging out of your mouth, making you look like a thoughtful dinosaur as you chew and chew and chew. Come on, we all know that kale is tough. Large kale leaves are impossible to eat standing up, with a plastic fork. How is this appropriate for a potluck party?
Finally, mac and cheese. This would be a great addition to a buffet, everyone loves mac and cheese, it heats up well, it is easy to eat off of paper plates with plastic forks, you can use any kind of cheese and even add veggies to it (like broccoli) if you want to pretend to make it healthy. But what you don't want to do is use a cheese-like dairy-free substance that is not creamy but curdles into something that looks and tastes like gravel and smells like wet cardboard. So, so sad.
There was one amazing dish, made by the host of the party, a French concoction called aligot, which is basically really, really cheesy mashed potatoes. It was hot, rich, warm and comforting. I had three helpings.
Sad that the only "luck" at this potluck was the bad luck of eating this stuff. (Good thing no one at the party reads this blog.) For me, it was a short visit, a taste of everything except the plain quinoa (seriously, add some chopped veggies and make it a salad) and then out the door.
Yes, I admit to being very judgemental and bitchy about potluck dinners. Maybe it's because everyone I know is a really good cook and if they aren't, they know how to buy a really good pie and bring that, or pick up a quart of a pre-made salad or side dish at a good grocery store. Even Safeway potato salad would have been a welcome guest. Who can't venture into Whole Foods and come out with something nice? In the past year I have attended a couple of potluck dinners that were amazing, so I know it can be done. So, there you have it, my blunt criticism of the Sad Potluck Dinner Party. No apologies on my part, I stand by my opinion.
Oh, and if you want to know what I brought, I offered to bring something sweet. I brought my homemade Very Dark Chocolate Cookies. I left off the nuts because I knew one person was allergic to nuts, but they were incredibly delicious sprinkled with a little sea salt instead of the nuts. I left the party shortly after one person asked me if they had gluten. I proudly responded "Yes, and they have butter, sugar and real chocolate, too!" I wonder if anyone tried them.
Here is a photo of a really nasty looking dish to take to a potluck. I picked this one but there are so many sites of photos of disgusting food, it was hard to decide.
Bon appetit!
Yes, I will admit that I am a bit of a snob when it comes to sharing food. My theory is that if you are going to cook something to share with others, make it something good! Make it something that will either WOW people or at least make them say "YUM!" What you bring should not make people say "YUK" even to themselves, and hopefully not say it out loud.
A large bowl of plain cooked quinoa is not an appropriate thing to bring to a holiday potluck, sorry. Plain. Cooked. Quinoa. Nothing in it, no flavor, no seasoning. What is that supposed to mean? "Hey, sorry, I had this in the cupboard and needed to use it by the expiration date so just take a big spoonful and eat up!" Equally inappropriate is a tiny little salad that would really only serve one person as a side dish and it had been drowned in a vinaigrette dressing hours before, so the lettuce and mushrooms and pears were slippery, wilted and inedible. (And the flavor combo of raw mushrooms and pears is no bueno, just saying.) Also inedible was falafel that seemed to be made with kidney beans instead of chickpeas and was shaped like tiny footballs and then baked. The footballs were heavy enough to have been kicked over a goalpost.
Also present was a kale salad that looked festive with its green leaves and red bell peppers but aren't we done with kale salad by now? Didn't kale salad peak about two years ago? If you MUST make it, could you at least shred the large kale leaves so that when you eat it you don't have a huge leaf hanging out of your mouth, making you look like a thoughtful dinosaur as you chew and chew and chew. Come on, we all know that kale is tough. Large kale leaves are impossible to eat standing up, with a plastic fork. How is this appropriate for a potluck party?
Finally, mac and cheese. This would be a great addition to a buffet, everyone loves mac and cheese, it heats up well, it is easy to eat off of paper plates with plastic forks, you can use any kind of cheese and even add veggies to it (like broccoli) if you want to pretend to make it healthy. But what you don't want to do is use a cheese-like dairy-free substance that is not creamy but curdles into something that looks and tastes like gravel and smells like wet cardboard. So, so sad.
There was one amazing dish, made by the host of the party, a French concoction called aligot, which is basically really, really cheesy mashed potatoes. It was hot, rich, warm and comforting. I had three helpings.
Sad that the only "luck" at this potluck was the bad luck of eating this stuff. (Good thing no one at the party reads this blog.) For me, it was a short visit, a taste of everything except the plain quinoa (seriously, add some chopped veggies and make it a salad) and then out the door.
Yes, I admit to being very judgemental and bitchy about potluck dinners. Maybe it's because everyone I know is a really good cook and if they aren't, they know how to buy a really good pie and bring that, or pick up a quart of a pre-made salad or side dish at a good grocery store. Even Safeway potato salad would have been a welcome guest. Who can't venture into Whole Foods and come out with something nice? In the past year I have attended a couple of potluck dinners that were amazing, so I know it can be done. So, there you have it, my blunt criticism of the Sad Potluck Dinner Party. No apologies on my part, I stand by my opinion.
Oh, and if you want to know what I brought, I offered to bring something sweet. I brought my homemade Very Dark Chocolate Cookies. I left off the nuts because I knew one person was allergic to nuts, but they were incredibly delicious sprinkled with a little sea salt instead of the nuts. I left the party shortly after one person asked me if they had gluten. I proudly responded "Yes, and they have butter, sugar and real chocolate, too!" I wonder if anyone tried them.
Here is a photo of a really nasty looking dish to take to a potluck. I picked this one but there are so many sites of photos of disgusting food, it was hard to decide.
Bon appetit!
"Manhattan Beach" by Jennifer Egan
Always wary of reading books that have been highly praised, especially when the author is someone I don't like, I approached "Manhattan Beach" cautiously. However, unlike some of Egan's other novels, this one is much more straightforward, more of a typical novel in structure than "A Visit From the Goon Squad" from a few years ago. (That novel won her the Pulitzer Prize, which puzzled me.) I really liked this book and highly recommend it.
"Manhattan Beach" begins in the early 1930's when Anna is a little girl and it ends about thirty years later, after WWII is over and Anna is a grown woman. In those thirty years we encounter not just Anna but her family, the Irish and Italian underworld crime syndicates who vie for power in New York, the culture of the local Naval shipyard, blatant disregard for the laws of Prohibition and the fledgling rise of women in the workforce during the height of the war. Plus echoes of so much more from those decades of history.
Egan is a masterful writer. As I read on, the characters developed so fully that I felt they were real, that their voices were those of my own life. Their lives could have existed on the same plane as mine, that is how believable they seemed to me. In this novel, Egan reminded me often of Jane Smiley's early writing, where you read a paragraph, look up and away from the page, think about what you just read, and then you read it again.
"...from the instant she pushed down on the pedals and the bike began to bump over the bricks, Anna felt as though lightning had touched her. Motion performed alchemy on her surroundings, transforming them from a disjointed array of scenes into a symphonic machine she could soar through invisibly as a seagull .... (with) a strange electric joy swerving through her."
It's not often that I want to own a book. This book, when it comes to the used book store near me, will be one I buy. If you have a chance, read "Manhattan Beach" and let me know what you think.
.
"Manhattan Beach" begins in the early 1930's when Anna is a little girl and it ends about thirty years later, after WWII is over and Anna is a grown woman. In those thirty years we encounter not just Anna but her family, the Irish and Italian underworld crime syndicates who vie for power in New York, the culture of the local Naval shipyard, blatant disregard for the laws of Prohibition and the fledgling rise of women in the workforce during the height of the war. Plus echoes of so much more from those decades of history.
Egan is a masterful writer. As I read on, the characters developed so fully that I felt they were real, that their voices were those of my own life. Their lives could have existed on the same plane as mine, that is how believable they seemed to me. In this novel, Egan reminded me often of Jane Smiley's early writing, where you read a paragraph, look up and away from the page, think about what you just read, and then you read it again.
"...from the instant she pushed down on the pedals and the bike began to bump over the bricks, Anna felt as though lightning had touched her. Motion performed alchemy on her surroundings, transforming them from a disjointed array of scenes into a symphonic machine she could soar through invisibly as a seagull .... (with) a strange electric joy swerving through her."
It's not often that I want to own a book. This book, when it comes to the used book store near me, will be one I buy. If you have a chance, read "Manhattan Beach" and let me know what you think.
.
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Oh my word, it's been WEEKS since I connected with you all......
How cute is this guy and how much he looks like we all do after this year: worried, sad, trepidatious and maybe ready to try again.
So here is a quick missive, to be followed by longer ones. The major holiday has come and gone and we have just a few days to wait until this awful year ends. It might not have been awful for some people but I cannot count it as one of my personal favorites.
Let's recap some of the highlights: the devil incarnate was inaugurated into office and began his reign of evil and terror immediately. He derides and dismisses anyone not white, claims the election was rigged EVEN THOUGH HE FUCKING WON, starts a really bad polka with Korea's evil dictator, removes the US from the Paris Climate Agreement, describes neo-Nazis as "very fine people" and on and on. His idiocy knows no bounds and yet there are people who will vote for him again.
Following that, in the spring, my Mom died. It happened fairly quickly and she was very old but still. My Mom died.
In the summer I lost my job at the Olea Hotel because, as it turns out, I am not a "team player" even if I was the best member of that team. I would match my customer service skills with anyone in the hospitality industry but I refused to say "yes" all the time, and thus I needed to be replaced. It was fine with me, it was my time to exit that building anyway.
Then, in the fall, the fires. The fires took everyone's mojo away for a while. And they took so much from so many in myriad ways. Terrifying, mournful, shocking and brutal.
Later in the fall I developed a Bakers cyst behind my left knee which lead to a very, very painful inflamed bursa on the front of my leg which led to a torn meniscus in that knee. So painful that I couldn't even put lotion on that leg. Add to the joy was my right knee which is bone on bone without a meniscus and you can see that I am the hobbling Tiny Tim of every winter tale in my mind. Painful and frustrating.
Finally a bizarre Thanksgiving, a painful December and to end it all, on a good note, Christmas Eve, the best day in the year to me and it did not disappoint. It made up for so many bad moments in the year because of my incredibly great kids, great crab, great champagne and so much love. Whew, at least one thing worked out as it should.
Three more days to go in this black curtain of a year. The President thing will not be gone soon, my knee (the one that is fixable) will go under the knife at the end of January, I have a bunch of social engagements on the books for the next four weeks and I am looking forward to 2018 being a year of progress, travel, change and positivity. And maybe a job, but I am still hoping to win the lottery so that annoyance (the job) can be taken off the table. Hope abounds.
OK, more to follow. Since I cannot walk much or do much, I read a lot. Book reports coming.
xoxo Hope everyone who reads this is having the best holidays ever. Or if not ever, at least the best holiday season this year!
Here's to traveling to random parts of France:
Monday, December 18, 2017
For Mom: A Brandy Manhattan
The only cocktail I ever heard Mom order was a Brandy Manhattan. Perhaps in her younger years she ordered something else, but I know nothing about that time. But she loved her Brandy Manhattans. When it arrived at the table, she would get a little mischievous smile on her face, take a small sip and make that little shrug of the shoulders that we all make when tasting something we love.
I needed some brandy today for a recipe and since I had it in the house, a Brandy Manhattan had to be my cocktail of the evening. It's sweeter than a standard Manhattan because brandy is sweeter than bourbon. But the brandy I purchased was decent (aka it cost more than $10.00) and it made a really nice, smooth Manhattan. I can see why Mom liked them, they are good for sipping, they are easy to drink and they make you happy.
This is the first holiday season since Mom died. I don't miss her but I think of her often, of her love of the Christmas tree, of lights, of old fashioned carols, of See's candies, of getting Christmas cards in the mail. I am glad she is off somewhere, having some other adventure, not wading through another year of being old. And I am happy to have a Brandy Manhattan in honor of her. Cheers, Mom, wherever you are!
.
I needed some brandy today for a recipe and since I had it in the house, a Brandy Manhattan had to be my cocktail of the evening. It's sweeter than a standard Manhattan because brandy is sweeter than bourbon. But the brandy I purchased was decent (aka it cost more than $10.00) and it made a really nice, smooth Manhattan. I can see why Mom liked them, they are good for sipping, they are easy to drink and they make you happy.
This is the first holiday season since Mom died. I don't miss her but I think of her often, of her love of the Christmas tree, of lights, of old fashioned carols, of See's candies, of getting Christmas cards in the mail. I am glad she is off somewhere, having some other adventure, not wading through another year of being old. And I am happy to have a Brandy Manhattan in honor of her. Cheers, Mom, wherever you are!
.
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
"Pulp Fiction" one more time
Sometimes you want to watch something you've never seen before, something that will be totally engaging, new, fun and smart. Sadly, it's difficult to find that on either Netflix or Amazon right now, at least I can't seem to find it. So tonight I reverted to the past and watched "Pulp Fiction" once again. Why? I have no idea, but I am glad I did.
There are a few parts I fast forward through because I have seen them enough and don't care. But there are so many scenes that are still, after 23 years, brilliant, funny, shocking and memorable. Lines of dialogue that never get old, non-linear timeframes that make you scratch your head, wonderful characters and unbelievable situations that defy reality. It's a really good movie that holds up well, and if you haven't seen it, you should. If you have seen it, see it again. Jules and Vincent Vega, Mia and Marsellus Wallace, Butch, HoneyBunny, they are all amazing and audacious. Drugs and violence, love and death, foot massage and coffee shop robberies. It's all there, waiting to be seen. (Spoiler alert: there is a lot of swearing and blood.)
Not a holiday film, but then, other than "Die Hard" what movie do you want to watch at this time of the year? Another go round of angels and a wonderful life and Santa and Elf? No, go the low and raunchy route. "I'm the foot-fucking master. I got my technique down, I don't tickle or nothing." It can't get much better than that.
"Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character."
"Any time of the day is a good time for pie."
"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."
"Well, we would have to be talking about one charmin' motherfuckin' pig."
.
There are a few parts I fast forward through because I have seen them enough and don't care. But there are so many scenes that are still, after 23 years, brilliant, funny, shocking and memorable. Lines of dialogue that never get old, non-linear timeframes that make you scratch your head, wonderful characters and unbelievable situations that defy reality. It's a really good movie that holds up well, and if you haven't seen it, you should. If you have seen it, see it again. Jules and Vincent Vega, Mia and Marsellus Wallace, Butch, HoneyBunny, they are all amazing and audacious. Drugs and violence, love and death, foot massage and coffee shop robberies. It's all there, waiting to be seen. (Spoiler alert: there is a lot of swearing and blood.)
Not a holiday film, but then, other than "Die Hard" what movie do you want to watch at this time of the year? Another go round of angels and a wonderful life and Santa and Elf? No, go the low and raunchy route. "I'm the foot-fucking master. I got my technique down, I don't tickle or nothing." It can't get much better than that.
"Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character."
"Any time of the day is a good time for pie."
"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."
"Well, we would have to be talking about one charmin' motherfuckin' pig."
.
Dutch Babies = Giant Pancake in my house
Years ago, when my kids were small, I discovered Dutch Baby pancakes. For us, living on nothing, Dutch Babies were a little miracle: 3 ingredients and you had either breakfast or dinner. Sprinkle with a little powdered sugar and then squeeze lemon juice over it, your meal was complete. Carbs and protein, very tasty, nothing else needed. For some reason, we called them Giant Pancakes.
We still make them, all of us separately. I make a GP at least once a month, it's a good and easy breakfast and turning on the oven heats up my apartment/duplex. My favorite topping is still the powdered sugar-lemon juice bit but they are good with raspberry jam as well, or maple syrup.
However, yesterday I wanted breakfast and had no lemons and was sick of sugar anyway, having baked dozens of cookies in the past several days. I wanted GP but savory. So I took the basic recipe for one person( 2 eggs, half cup flour, half cup milk whirled up in the blender) and added salt and pepper and just before pouring into the frying pan (with melted butter and a little bacon grease) I added some grated cheese, a handful of cilantro, a dash of cumin and a shake of red pepper flakes and a couple of chopped green onions. I didn't blend them up too much, just enough to get them mixed well with the eggs stuff. Into the pan, 20 minutes later it was ready. I splashed some salsa over the top and it was delicious! Savory, fluffy, like a giant popover, filling and cheap. What more can you ask?
Dutch Baby, Giant Pancake, whatever you call it, make one now. Breakfast, lunch or even dinner. I can see adding some pesto to it, parmesan cheese, red pepper flakes. Or some romesco sauce. Or just salt, pepper, parsley and then topping it with a bit of sour cream and some smoked salmon when it comes out of the oven. Possibilities abound. Do it.
Friday, December 8, 2017
"Lady Bird"
If you know me at all, you know that movie review phrases like "heartfelt coming-of-age story" and "bittersweet adolescence" are enough to make me gag. For me to see a movie thus described, not happening.
But when Rotten Tomatoes has a 100% rating on the Tomatometer, well, I have to think it might be worth seeing. If even the most cynical critic out there liked it, maybe I will as well.
And I did! "Lady Bird" is sweet and funny and sad and smart, but it's a lot more than that. It's not a Great film but it's a Very Good movie. Somehow it captures all the awkward, angry, emotionally unbalanced nuances of adolescence and presents them in a way that doesn't make you cringe or gag.
To be happy or to be popular? To skip school or be good and go to class? To do what your parents want or to defy them? To have sex or not? What does it all mean? Why bother?
See this movie if you can and if you don't walk out of the theater with a wistful smile on your face, then you are beyond redemption. Great script, simple story, excellent acting. Even when you want to slap one of the characters, you want to hug them at the same time. Laurie Metcalf and Saoirse Ronan are perfectly cast as mom and daughter, the movie is set in Sacramento ("...the midwest of California") and entire package is lovely.
Two thumbs up!
.
But when Rotten Tomatoes has a 100% rating on the Tomatometer, well, I have to think it might be worth seeing. If even the most cynical critic out there liked it, maybe I will as well.
And I did! "Lady Bird" is sweet and funny and sad and smart, but it's a lot more than that. It's not a Great film but it's a Very Good movie. Somehow it captures all the awkward, angry, emotionally unbalanced nuances of adolescence and presents them in a way that doesn't make you cringe or gag.
To be happy or to be popular? To skip school or be good and go to class? To do what your parents want or to defy them? To have sex or not? What does it all mean? Why bother?
See this movie if you can and if you don't walk out of the theater with a wistful smile on your face, then you are beyond redemption. Great script, simple story, excellent acting. Even when you want to slap one of the characters, you want to hug them at the same time. Laurie Metcalf and Saoirse Ronan are perfectly cast as mom and daughter, the movie is set in Sacramento ("...the midwest of California") and entire package is lovely.
Two thumbs up!
.
"That would be in the butt, Bob!"
Is there anything more enticing to a reader than a headline that has the word "butt" in it? Especially when the headline is the punchline of an old joke, no less!
But in the butt it must be. Yesterday I had a colonoscopy, a necessary but not welcome procedure as we get older. I had one about 15 years ago and because of that and other factors, it was time to experience that joy once again.
As everyone knows, even if you haven't had one, the procedure is nothing compared to the prep. The day before you can have no solid food, no caffeine, and you have to drink liquids all day. Late in that day you begin drinking the poop juice, as I call it, which varies from putrid to disgusting, depending on who your doctor is and what punishment they assign you.
My juice of the week was a gallon of stuff (a gallon!) that didn't necessarily taste bad because it had little taste but it was thicker than water and had a texture of something like watered down Elmers Glue. I had to drink a half gallon in three hours on Wednesday evening and after each cup my mouth felt like a felt-lined mouse nest. I think I brushed my teeth five times in three hours.
What the poop juice does to you does not need to be explained.
Thursday morning I had to drink the second half of the gallon in two hours. Oh, joy! Then for three hours before the procedure you cannot have anything, no water, no breath mint, nothing.
The crew in the hospital were incredibly nice, very personable and chatty. I had a lovely conversation with one nurse who lost her home in the fire and her emotionally mixed experience of having to buy all new Christmas ornaments. Another conversation was about how strange it is that we will read stupid magazines in doctors offices even if we never read them at home.
The procedure is easy and quick. The results were perfect. I don't know what kind of drugs they gave me but I was in bed at 9:00 and I slept all night long until 6:00 this morning, which is rare for me.
Whew, that's over. And I know colonoscopies are not really a blog sort of topic, but in case you are facing one sometime soon, keep this in mind: it's a day and a half out of your life and it could save your life. They are in and out of your butt in 20 minutes, it is painless and you feel like you took responsibility for your health for one shining moment.
But please, other than that, leave my butt alone!
But in the butt it must be. Yesterday I had a colonoscopy, a necessary but not welcome procedure as we get older. I had one about 15 years ago and because of that and other factors, it was time to experience that joy once again.
As everyone knows, even if you haven't had one, the procedure is nothing compared to the prep. The day before you can have no solid food, no caffeine, and you have to drink liquids all day. Late in that day you begin drinking the poop juice, as I call it, which varies from putrid to disgusting, depending on who your doctor is and what punishment they assign you.
My juice of the week was a gallon of stuff (a gallon!) that didn't necessarily taste bad because it had little taste but it was thicker than water and had a texture of something like watered down Elmers Glue. I had to drink a half gallon in three hours on Wednesday evening and after each cup my mouth felt like a felt-lined mouse nest. I think I brushed my teeth five times in three hours.
What the poop juice does to you does not need to be explained.
Thursday morning I had to drink the second half of the gallon in two hours. Oh, joy! Then for three hours before the procedure you cannot have anything, no water, no breath mint, nothing.
The crew in the hospital were incredibly nice, very personable and chatty. I had a lovely conversation with one nurse who lost her home in the fire and her emotionally mixed experience of having to buy all new Christmas ornaments. Another conversation was about how strange it is that we will read stupid magazines in doctors offices even if we never read them at home.
The procedure is easy and quick. The results were perfect. I don't know what kind of drugs they gave me but I was in bed at 9:00 and I slept all night long until 6:00 this morning, which is rare for me.
Whew, that's over. And I know colonoscopies are not really a blog sort of topic, but in case you are facing one sometime soon, keep this in mind: it's a day and a half out of your life and it could save your life. They are in and out of your butt in 20 minutes, it is painless and you feel like you took responsibility for your health for one shining moment.
But please, other than that, leave my butt alone!
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