Sunday morning thinking

Musings on the trailer life, work and more:

Living in a trailer means several things, some of which I do not wish to contemplate.  However, it does force you to be neat and tidy, concise in your actions and particular about what you store in the small space.  If you leave dirty dishes out, for example, the entire place looks trashy because there is no way to hide the mess.  If you toss clothes on the bed (you can't toss them on the floor because there is no floor space in the bedroom area, the bed takes up almost the entire room) then obviously your bed always is a mess. The good side is that it's rather difficult to loose something because you can stand in one spot and see every surface in the place.  There are few hiding places.  It also means that you can only have a few things on hangers and a few things in the 4 very small drawers so your wardrobe becomes instantly tiny.  Same six shirts, rotated each day, two pairs of jeans, one pair of shorts and some tee shirts and underwear.  One sweatshirt.  That's about it.

The mental gyrations I am facing about living in this trailer are harder to describe.  Yes, I am happy to have a roof over my head that isn't simply the roof of my car.  It is a safe place to live and pleasant enough.  I have water when I turn on the tap and when the days are really hot there is air conditioning as well.  Heat in the winter, lights in the dark, all those things.  I am not feeling sorry for myself but I am feeling some sense of discomfort.  Remember when you were little and you would spin around on the lawn for several seconds and then would stop and the world would keep moving?  That's how I feel.  Like I have landed in this one place but there is no solid ground, things are still tilting around me.  It is disorienting.  How did I get here, at the age of 61, with no secure job and no secure housing?  It is just so odd. 

I am continuing my job search, of course, recognizing that this substitute innkeeper job is just that, a temporary gig.  It would be nice to plan on living in Healdsburg for a while but that possibility seems tenuous at best.  The innkeeper job is something I do well and it's an easy, part-time job, averaging about 25 hours a week.  What I need is something closer to 40 hours. The search continues.

Right now, the best I can do is try and keep the spinning feeling from making me totally nuts. I am reading a really good book and that helps, it makes me focus on someone else's life for a while. 

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